Fifteen years

Well, it seems so strange to say it, but our dear daughter Natalie Marie was stillborn fifteen years ago.  Some years the grief isn’t as difficult to deal with as others and I have been grateful this has been one of the easier ones.

You see, Johnathan is STILL poorly and hasn’t improved at all.  In fact, the pain he gets seems to be worse.  As I was trying to explain to the doctor, he doesn’t WANT to be lying down 98% of the day!  It’s horrible to see your child poorly for so long and this is now the fifth week for him, poor boy.

The lovely thing was that the deputy head of the school, Mr Bonnar came to see Johnathan today and reassure him that he didn’t need to worry, but just focus on getting better.  Obviously, we need to know what is wrong so that we can figure out how he can get better and back to school again.

This morning when I woke up I was thinking about the sorts of presents Natalie would have wanted now that she would have been fifteen years old.  I know she loved music when she was in my womb from her reaction to it.  

It’s out of the natural order of things for your child to die before you do.  And yes, we have missed so much of what she could have been.  But you know what?  There are still snippets of memories that I can smile at, candles we can light to remember her, a beautiful scrapbook her Granny, Kevin’s mum created for her.

You never forget the children you have, even when they leave this life before you. 

TREASURE

I am grateful that this year on Natalie’s anniversary was easier than other years have been.